Awkward

It's kinda bullshit when people find out your deepest secret and spread it.
But I can't do anything.
Past is past.
I gotta move on.
Just act like nothing and I'll be damn good.
When I tried to step back, you came.
So sudden.
But why?
I thought you would not be that bold enough to greet me.
I'm sorry , but its really a major turn off when you knew.

I knew it's just a game for you and me.
I'm playing hard to get cause I'm not cheap as the other girls.

And it's awkward.

Kryptonite

My biggest fear would be, getting a call from my home that my parents are gone.
My biggest fear would be, having a fight with my best friends.
My biggest fear would be, everyone laughed and booed me cause I'm such a loser.
My biggest fear would be, I let people who has high hopes on me feeling down.
My biggest fear would be, realising that I just let go of someone who has been waiting for me.
My biggest fear would be, giving hope to someone that I don't even know that if he is meant to me.
My biggest fear would be, didn't get the best results for my exams.

We just can't stop worrying what will happen in the future.
I am full with curiosity.
People see me as a weird person.
One in a million.

I am full with secrets.
Maybe with friends, I am the most outspoken , the craziest but inside , nobody knows.

"I know when you laughed , I know you're having problems"

And who is it?
My own mother.
I can't imagine losing her.
I'm still not ready.
Ya Allah.

Heart

I am so sorry I had to do this.

I never expect someone like you would come to my life.

Someone who would accept me for who I am.

Someone who texted me everyday just to make sure that I am okay .

For sure, I love clingy relationship.

But I never expect it will be you.

The first I met you , I thought someone like you would never ever look at me.

Because I’m hideous and I am not smart and I am not rich.

I love you.

But it’s just that sometimes I couldn’t go on with this kind of relationship. 

I just died inside.

I just don’t want to give you more hope.

Because it’s unfair.

I feel that you deserve someone better than me.

Someone that worth to have you.

I don’t have that kind of criteria you’re looking for.

I can be a heartless ego bitch .

And if possible, I don’t want to do that to you.

Because it is not fair for you.

Let me cry everyday so that I can see you with someone who deserve you.

Definitely not me. 

I don’t want you to cry just because of me.

Trust me, I am not worth it.

I don’t deserve you.

There’s a lot girls out there who deserve you .

I can’t go on like this.

I knew something like this will happen in the future.

I am truly sorry .

I really want to be with you, I really do.

But its just that I feel you deserve way better .

Not me.

I’m tired of crying.

My eyes hurt and so do my heart.

I have to let you go.

This is so unfair.

Unfair.

Truth

This time entry, I'm not going to write about my life anymore.

I just felt that I've been exposing too much of my life.

So after this, it would be random stories or based on someone that I know.

Before this, it was my last entry about my stories.

I have this one story which started like this,

There are three person involved : X (boy) , Y (girl 1) , Z (girl 2)

One day (those typical one day) there is Y, who has a crush on X. 

X is quite famous and kind-hearted.

Y is really pretty and smartass whereas Z is just an ordinary girl (almost a potato like me)

So Y had a gut and texted X first.

She texted in a flirty way to X and said she wanted to know X better.

Well, it sounded desperate (yes it is and you wouldn't expect someone that is really quite and has low profile)

As a typical guy, who doesn't want to be with someone who is pretty and smart at the same time?

X and Y have been texting and calling almost everyday (some of their friends knew about this).

So it seems that X started to have feelings to Y too (who doesn't?)

They were playing love all this time and they walked from class together and sometimes they are seen together (dating)

It seems that everyone started to notice including Z.

All this while, Z was keeping to herself that she has a crush on X. 

But she decided to keep a secret and doesn't want to tell X cause she doesn't want to look desperate and she always said to herself that "girl can't confess to a guy because it looks desperate"

That's her daily motivation about love.

So one day, everyone was busybody to know what actually X and Y 's relationship.

Basically they said to their friends " we are just friends, nothing more"

Lame.

Nobody believes that because they saw what happened in front of their eyes.

At the end of year, X suddenly said hey to Z.

Z was excited and she replied back with full of hopes.

So during the holiday , Z and X were kinda close and they were being flirty towards each other.

As a girl, Z was happy because she thought that the guy of her dream likes her back.

Z was in love.
 Really really in love with X but she didn't want to say it and she didn't want to admit that she's in love.

After the break, Z told her close friends that she had a thing with X.

Z didn't know it was her biggest mistake.

(Z regretted until now)

X was being denial that he has a thing with Z because he really likes Y.

X prefer Y more cause it will raise his social stairs since Y is really a top students and pretty.

While Z is completely nothing, completely invisible to X.

There was a fight, but X and Z completely doesn't want to meet each other because of their own big egos.
The both of them are egos.

Z really hates Y because Z never thought that a girl like Y would do such thing.
So Z labelled Y as whore, slut, desperate , bitch and etc.
It was true.
If Z doesn't like that someone, until forever she will not like that particular person.
That is Z.
Cause she's tired of forgiving peoples cause she knew people will make the same mistakes all over again.
What's the point of all that?


You know what, I suddenly feel tired and not in mood writing this story cause its fking long. So that's it.
I'm sorry guys.

Secrets

What is love?

I had no idea.

If you're asking 10 person, every each of them will give different answers.

My answers?

It's a secret. 

But what I know, love is complicated because if love was easy to get, there would be no divorces, breakups, abortions and many more.

"Love is blind"
Yes I agree.

Because you just don't care about their looks if you really love them.

You will accept them for who they are.

You just need to remember that people have flaws too.

If they're sensitive, messy, have dark dioramas, or whatsoever, just remember, there will always good in them. You just need to find them.

It's not about the popularity, academics , hot bikini bodies (well, if you get them, it's a bonus)

but its about the heart.

Love takes time.

You just can't force people to love you or like you.

Fyi, love and like are way different things okay. (note this guys)

This entry is actually my advices to all girls out there about love or relationships.

(I'm not a pro but hey at least right?)

These are based on my experience, books, friends and families.

(no copies please)

1. For those who's really in love, but afraid to confess, just confess to him but make sure that HE IS WORTH TO GET not some random bad boys that you found on the street. 
2. Do not over think about what he's going to react. Just confess and let go of your burden because you're keeping it so long. (don't think what he's going to react)
3. If he rejects you, you should know that there's a lot more guys for you out there but God haven't send them yet.
4. Be sad for a while (if he rejects you) but not too long and move on because at last he knows about your feelings and he's the one who should feel terrible because he just lost someone who loves him.

"WHY SHOULD I FEEL SAD? I LOST SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T LOVES ME BUT HE JUST LOST SOMEONE WHO LOVES HIM"

These words are my daily motivations.

Chin up girls.

Yes, I did get rejected one time.
Well, at least I know he's not for me right.

Like Ed Sheeran always says :

"If you're looking for a partner to fall in love with , fall in love with their eyes because eyes are the only parts that doesn't age. So if you fall in love with their eyes you'll be in love forever"

"People fall in love in mysterious way"

It seems legit and it's definitely true and please follow these advices.
And one more thing, never expect something that you're expecting because obviously , it will go other way round (believe me)

If you're expecting some good morning text, believe me , it's not going to be.
If you're expecting he apologies, suck it, he's not going to because of his big ego.
If you're expecting he's going to be serious to be with you, there's no way cause he never let you sees his parents or (admits to his friends that you guys had something special).
I know all this stuff based on people's stories , my own experiences (read my previous entries for more info) , my friends, my families, my siblings, my enemies, my rivals,

Simple tips :

1. Never fall in love too fast (looking at the mirror for a while)
2. If he looks good to you, know about his personalities first (you can see when he's with his friends , teachers , or based on how he wrote)
3. You can see if he's giving clue if he likes you too but never got excited (maybe you're in one of his games)
4. Never give hopes (harapan) on someone. Seriously, it was my biggest mistakes. So, don't do it.
5. See his reactions if you're sulking.
6. Get to know how big is his ego. If he's toooo ego, leave him for God sake . Let him feel the shits because of being too ego.
7. If he's stuck to choose between you and another girl, leave him. His immaturity already shows that he can't make decisions. (ini namanya tamak)
8. If he reply your text messages when he's playing game, that means he truly loves you.
9. You need to know that they have other priorities. So if he's not replying, husnuzon la sikit (bersangka baik) , maybe his phone is still charging, studying, eating and many more.
10. Let your insecurities out . But not too much
11. If he's serious , he will let you to meet his parents and get to know each other (not by posting status on Facebook, that is childish)

Well, that's it (actually I can make into 100 list) but neh haha

Last quote,

"You can't force love. It's there or it isn't . If it's not there, you've got to able to admit it . If it's there. you've got to do whatever it takes to protect the ones you love"

The point is, you don't have to be worried.
Allah knows when you're ready.
Your 'zaujah' will come eventually ;)
This love thingy, is suitable as stories for future generations.
Because the real thing, you can't tell anyone or express.
But if you really in love, that's when you just can't stop smilling wherever you go, when you always think about someone in your heart.

"If a girl is in love, she can't stop smiling. If a guy is in love, he can't stop telling about his special one to his friends"

I promised to myself, never fall in love easily because I'm the one who get hurt in the end and not him.
When you're crying under your blanket, does he do the same?
No, right?
Meanwhile, he's with another girl seeking for love.
He's not worth it.

Just remember, if a guy cried because of you, he truly loves you.
Keep him because he's one in a million.

Should I continue to write about love ? I think I shall stop but we'll see :)

Weak

I promised not to cry.

But I did.

I was too weak.

I've been waiting for years and finally the truth comes out from your mouth.

Thank you.

I didn't know why I suddenly asked you the questions.

I feel that it was the right time to ask you.

I asked you what mistakes that I did?

I was too curious.

I dreamt about you last night.

Saying that you're going to be the love of my life.

I know it doesn't make any sense, but I dreamt about you.

I hope what I was dreaming did not come true because I had enough.

The conversations that we had.

How can I remember to forget?

When my heart just won't let me.

I thought we had something.

I wish I could hate you,

So that I can let you go.

Wish I never met, the one I want the most.

I could fill an ocean,

with all the tears that I cried.

Tell me you were joking, just a dream I had last night.

How can I remember to forget?

Like we never happened, make my heart a break.

I need to ask you because I don't want ended up being old and wondering by myself.
If our conversations two years ago meant something to you.
You said yes.
I knew it.
I was never wrong.
I felt the same too.

But what did the mistakes that I did?
It is basically I did tell my friends that we had conversations.
But is it wrong?
I need to share to my friends because I'm tired of keeping this alone.
I felt I was going to explode.
That is why I told my friends.
Please understand.
You only know your problems but you never asked for my problems.
Which is sad.

Now I know the feelings.
Never be in a relationship but I was treated like a princess.
I guess it was mistake.
I shouldn't give hopes to you and neither do you.

"If I read our conversations 2 years ago, I feel like crying"
I said that.
You felt really guilty about it.
Really?
Or you're just trying to escape from everything that you did to me?

When you told me everything,
I did not feel upset, but I felt happy because you finally told me eveything.
All I want is HONESTY.
Honesty is really important in relationships and you made it.
But it was too late.

You know, when I'm really in love, I only look at you.
I'll love you without any boundaries and I will not fall in different guys in the same time.
Only you.
But I got cheated.

"She came first"
That's your excuse?
So how about my feelings?
You think I'm just a cigarette that you can throw away after using it?

Feeling sorry but without an action is like, nothing.
It's useless.
Action speaks louder than words.

You said you didn't want to hurt my feelings,
so giving hope is not one of them?
Think.

I know I'm not perfect.
You basically told everyone that you're not really interested in my laugh.
I know it's loud, it's annoying.
But it is who I am.
That's my trademark that people will remember until the last of my breath.
But you seems not to appreciate it.

You said you didn't realise what you were doing.
I just felt that it's an another lame excuse.

What if I did the same thing to you?
What will you feel?
Instead of pleasing eveyone, at least, please consider about what I'm going to feel about it.

I guess I was weak to believe in eveything what you said.
My best friend said
"What a sad excuse of a dick"
"He's playing you"
From the beginning.
And they were right.
I was pretending everything was going to be okay
But it turns out like this.

I was wrong.
I'm weak.
I'm vulnerable.
But in the end, although you said you still had feelings for me,
I felt nothing.
You were too late for that.

P/S : Thank you to all my friends to give me positive comments about my blogs.
Everyone seems to love it.
Thanks for the support and I will sure to write more in the future although my posts are mostly about serious stuffs :D

Judgemental

Some people who has the biggest laugh, the brightest smile, has problems in their life.

But, people think otherwise.

Why?

"She is looking for attentions"

"She doesn't have the good attitude for laughing like that"

"She laughs too loud"

"I wonder who likes her"

"She's annoying"

Trust me. I was in that situations. Oh wait, I am in that situations.

Sometimes people judged without knowing what's behind my curtains.

What of they're in my shoes.

People are being judgemental and concerns on the idea of what's pretty.

When I'm being outspoken, people would be like : 

"She's showing off on what she's got"

"Nobody cares"

I hate when people thinks I like to show off.

I hate when people thinks I only befriends with rich kids.

I hate when people thinks I only eats at fancy restaurants.

People and their judgement can't be separated, 

I also did the same thing, but I only did it when I saw that thing in front of my eyes.

I don't easily believe on what people told me.

Imagine one day you fall in love,

He knows you like him.

But then people came and said to you :

"He doesn't like the way you laughed, he doesn't like you attitude."

"He can only accept you if you change your attitude"

Imagine what will you feel?

It hurts like a lot.

You can feel your heart can't stop pumping.

As there was a thorn in your heart.

These pictures is clear enough.

It is crystal clear that nobody's perfect.

Yes I have flaws too.

So I'm going to find someone who can accept my flaws.

People makes mistakes too.

A quote says that 'Good people are like candles, they burn themselves up to give others light'

Go find someone who can accept for who you are.

I learnt that lessons in the boarding school.

Love doesn't mean you have to own it.

I don't care about losing people who don't want to in part of my life anymore.

I've lost people who meant the world to me and I'm still doing fine.

Who cares about those judgemental bitches.

They are going to judge us until the world ends.

I'm serious.

I'm getting really tired of losing people.

The way I wrote this, isn't it clear enough that I had been through a lot?

You're the one being judgemental. Don't blame me.

Sometimes, jokes doesn't right in the wrong time.

You can make jokes but not about sensitive topics.

People can get mad easily when you touched sensitive issues.

What if I did the same thing to you?

Think.

"You deserve the kind of love you would gibe someone else"

Who cares what people are going to think.

Just go for it.

People are being judgemental because they don't know about your daily life.

They will say bad things about you but guess what? Who cares?

Just go on with you life right?

And fall in love with someone deserves your heart. Not someone who plays with it.

Be with someone who wants you to grow old with.

We often constantly torn between "if its meant to be,it will be" and "if you want it, go get it"

That's why you need to make a smart choice instead being rush.

Just remember, silence doesn't mean you are weak. 

Stay strong

And who cares what people are going to think.

You can throw your finger at them instead (if you're brave enough)

Problems (Part 2)

My friend gave me her chapters of life in moving on.

"Chapter 1 :

First love, its like a drug for me. Addicted to it so much that I've gotten to the point where he hurts me over and over I can simply say it's okay, I love you. Everytime he breaks my heart, it feels as it is better to mend it by himself than other people. All I need is him, him and him. Everytime I've been through something hard or something that makes me fly high on the cloud nine, the first person I want to share my ups and downs is him. Everytime I hear his voice, or look into his eyes I grow butterflies in my stomach and it feels as my heart going to pump so hard tat it gonna burst all my vessels. First love, its funny how I think my first love will last forever. Because I love him so much, I just cannot describe how much, maybe as deep as the Indian ocean? As much as Romeo loves Juliet? Or maybe I love him more than anyone else in this world. Love seriously kills all my senses."

I must say, she is really good in making quotes and her English is amazing.

It has 7 chapters in total.

Can you see how hurt she is?

You gave her hope bro.

Although you're my friend, but still, what you did to her is still unacceptable.

Hope you can read this ( sorry it is small)

I found this randomly on Twitter.

"Chapter 2 :

Day by day pass and I can't describe how I was feeling. Nothing feels great than love and love by someone that means the whole world to you. The way he loves you, its like you and him are the only one who exist in this universe. Whenever people talk about him, you'll feel the electric tension and there your goofy smile goes. Sometimes in class, when there is free time or even in the middle of class, you'll somehow think of him and all the sweet things you both share. When you bumped into him at the walkway, all that plays in your mind is, 'omg should I run away or smile or just ignore him my god help me' butterflies come back again~ The way he smiles at you when you talked to each other, you can see the happiness in his eyes that you whisper to yourself 'oh lord I love him so much, please make this last forever"

I feel you girl.

I can feel what you felt.

The way he smirks at me, the way he talks to me.

I just can't look at his eyes.

But then, he's with another girl (who is way prettier and smarter)

"Chapter 3 : 

When he jokes with you, no matter how lame it is. Only you would laugh, laugh which filled with happiness. You'll remember every single joke he makes and smile everytime they crossed your mind.

His flaws no matter how big and obvious it is, I dont care, I still love him. I love his eyes, every single part of him, I love it so much. When he gave present or surprise, it feels really exhilarating. That I kept what he gave even though it's a food. You just want to appreciate him for everything. And you're so worried about him in specifically every single thing no matter it's about his study, family or friends. You just want the best for him, everytime and anywhere."

"Chapter 4 :

This might sound cliche but every beautiful thing will comes to an end. It will end. Even us will end up buried down 7 feet underground. Everything will end eventually. When he started to change, acting mysteriously and keep hiding something from me. He started to throw thousands of lies and ignoring you all the time. But I'm too dumb to understand that he doesn't want me anymore. I keep on fighting every single thing that we share and fight for and I just can't believe that he's doing this. Where are our promises? Talk is cheap huh now I understand, The future that we planned. And I started to think is it real or just fake. Everything. Every single butterflies means nothing at all. YEs he bores of me because here I am this ancient af that he might knew someone new and better."

I know takde kaitan pun (eh tetibe)

"Chapter 5 :
After he's gone, he told that this is for my best but I just can't accept that fact. Every single words he say, the songs we shared, pictures, his voice they keep playing in my mind that tears will just cruise down my cheeks. The feeling of longing for him, it bruised up that at some point my heart hurts a lot that I'm running out of breathe by doing nothing but just cry. First love is like a drug, you just can't turn your back. Everytime people asked how is he doing, or say is name, I feel this kind of force that push me right to the bottom., drowning in a sea, he puts me there, Yet he doesn't have the intentions to save me and just watched me dying slowly. Sometimes I just crave for his presence, I just want to say eveything that is left unsaid."

"Chapter 6 :

The first two weeks is the worst period over, they're still there haunting you. The memories won't fade away. You feel lonely, all alone and sad. Extremely sad. Sometimes you'll text him hoping that everything will back to normal. There are times when I told my friends about him that my voice shooks a lot and I can't stop crying. There are days when I miss him  and pretended I was asleep, I listen to songs and cry alone late at night while he's doing just fine without me. He's fine without me. Yes he is. After all this time, he is fine. I started to have insomnia. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. But slowly, after knowing he has someone else. I totally move on. I deleted him in all social media. He is no one to me anymore. it's funny how he meant so much to me back then, but now he is just a typical guy that I met on the streets.  I'll just bury all the memories of us together with my heart. I got it back from him. I finally can survive without me. Sometimes spontaneously he crossed my mind, but I feel nothing. It's hard when you talk with the same person and you've planned your future together but they ended up leaving you with some cheesy and old reasons. But I'm thankful."

I am thankful though.

"Chapter 7 :

Maybe I lost someone that is so important to me, it is a valid yet necessary feelings, it makes me more human. I started to see the world differently, the world that both me and him share, it's gone. That clingy feelings, it's gone. I believe that it hurts for sure, but beautiful things takes time to happen, a right person at the right time. Won't regret this. Cause it taught me plenty of lessons. Just remember the sun will shine tomorrow, and there will be a person that can make you see the sun when all this time you've only see the clouds. The right person that can make you smile to your cheek again. The feeling of falling into someone's arm, you feel much secure. The butterflies, and that person will love as much as me. A person that brings the light in the darkness for all this time. For now, stay focus to your goal . Forget all this silly things, make friends, crushes, nobody cares. Pray to Him. He knows the best for us. And someday, the pieces that breaks after he left you will disappear that it will only left as dust and harmless. You deserve better. You're the moon, the sun, the stars. He is just another flower. Just remember don't plant a wrong seed again. Somebody else will bring yourself back together again and that all the broken pieces will stick again. Never trust words unless it is proven. I'm afraid to love now, I feel nothing since he left. Just waiting for the right time but it will never be him anymore. I do feel lonely somehow that I crave for someone presence to love me. But only for a while because I'm so comfortable with my condition right now. Lonely. Alone. I just love it. 2 years is never easy for me, when I listen to some songs it feels like it just happened yesterday. Filled with the emotions again. But I'm doing fine, without him."

Action speaks louder than words.

Stop going for someone who doesn't worth your time.

If he can't make you laugh, if he doesn't treat you right, leave him.

Why would you jealous although you still not sure if he's meant to be with you?

Why would you still put hopes on him?

Why would you choose her over me?

Will she give you happiness?

Will your parents give bless to you guys?

Will she be a good wife to you?

Will she accept your religion?

Will she accept you for who you are?

Will she accept your family?

Will her family accept your family?

Love means nothing if your parents doesn't bless it.

Because Allah's bless are parent's bless.

Think about it.

Umrah (Part 2)

Continuing my Part 1 stories.
What did I do after that?

I spent most of my time in the mosque (alone again like always)

I went the most front section for ladies and find the most strategic place (muahaha)

which I can't tell you (I'm kidding it's near to the pillars so that I can put my things and can lay back when reciting the Quran)

During the day, (before Zuhr especially) my parents and I went for shopping.

Jubah, keychains, sejadah, perfumes (rambang mata woi)

What I bought for myself was (it's a secret)

Banyak org kirim until I didn't have time to buy for myself pun actually.

(I bought keychains ada org kirim ceyh)

InsyaAllah , when taking the SPM results barulah bagi kat semua orang hehe.

(This is the inside of the mosque)

During the azan Maghrib, it will open slowly.

See that white dots? It was actually stars . MasyaAllah ;)

The very next day, barulah jalan sekeliling Madinah (using bus)

First place we went was Quba Mosque (the first mosque built by our Prophet)

Correct me of I'm wrong.

A lot of people came there for the same reason.

We were told to do Dhuha prayer there and we were given 30 minutes.

Lepas tu, sempat la nak snap sikit gambar

Hah ini la view dia. Cantik kan?

So there's a lot of stalls out here selling tasbih, sejadah, dates (again rambang mata woi)

We bought the young dates (kurma muda) cause it was delicious sehingga menjilat jari kot.

I want to upload my photos but neh better not haha.

After that, we went to dates farm.

It actually looks like kelapa sawit but in different version which is full with dates haha.

Emm it's actually free when you want to try different kinds of dates.
We spent a lot here ha ha ha.
Then we went to Jabal Uhud (Bukit Uhud)
It was high but I didn't climb it because my legs hurts but I manage to take some pictures.

(from the top view)
There was an ice cream stall here
A must try!
If you go here, you must taste the ice cream , if not, rugi ler haha.

I wonder who is this hmm. (hahaha)
My parents decided to shop in Madinah so that in Mecca we can concentrate in performing Umrah
(actually that make sense)
Follow this tips! Hahaha
Actually there is a lot more stories going on but neh, keeping it to myself i guess.
(eh tetibe)
That's all my stories in Madinah.
I will continue my stories (Part 3) in Mecca InsyaAllah ;)

Umrah (Part 1)

Well, this is my third entry.

This time is about my trip to perform Umrah with my parents last year after SPM examination.

It was December (8/12-19/12)

To be exact, this is my second time going to perform Umrah.

The first time I went was 2012 which before the PMR examination.

Cut the stories,

So my parents and I arrived at the airport around 2 because the flight was supposed to be at 6.
So we went early to meet the rest of the group (it's a umrah travel)
We waited and waited.
A lot of people were at the airport especially families because their member of family were going as well.
I saw tears, happiness and there was film shooting and I guess it was Hindi movie or drama.
It was actually funny (from my point of view lol)
It was almost 5 and everyone (heading to Jeddah) still had not checked in.
I was wondering and my father went to find out why.
He came back and told me that there was a problem with everyone's visa.
It was a mess and disorganised.
We finally on the plane near 9 o'clock (at night)
Waiting for everyone's visa and one by one managed to get on board.
We took off about 10 o'clock.
Can you imagine getting late? it was like 5 or 6 hours of delay.
What did I do on the plane? Guess.
Eat. Sleep. Pray (ceh)
So we arrived Jeddah at dawn at it was Subh prayer.
So we need to go to the immigration office and we needed to line up again.
(what another delay because we had to wait for our luggages)
While waiting for our bus, we managed to perform Subh prayer.
It actually took about 5-6 hours from Jeddah to Madinah.
I didn't know why I felt tired because I slept the whole journey.
We finally arrived at Madinah and the first thing we did was recite the du'a for entering the holy land of Madinah (to respect our Prophet s.a.w)
I still remember what our mutawif said
"Kalau kita nak masuk rumah org, mestilah ketuk pintu dulu. Samalah mcm masuk ke masuk ke Madinah, mestilah bagi salam dulu"
New information for me.
So, we arrived at our hotel around 10 o'clock in the morning.
After check in, we put our luggages in our room. The journey has started ( I said to myself)
Honestly, Madinah was cold at that time (not cold as snow but the wind was chilly)
The temperature almost the same with Kundasang (that's why I can adapt to this temperature aha)

So I found this cute random girl and took her picture (in front of the bus actually)
Hahaha omg I can't stop laughing :'D
So I went to Nabawi Mosque for Zuhr prayer with my dad .
Basically, I was alone (my mom has woman issues if u know what I mean)
I thought that would be my first challenge,
Going inside the mosque alone. (My father went to the men's section)
I was pretty nervous actually.
Okay so the first thing I saw in the Nabawi Mosque was tongs of Zam Zam water
(there were so many I lost count)
I drank a little bit (the best way is drinking it while you're standing up)
I went to the section where kids are not allowed
(nak khusyuk la katakan but manatau nanti dtg lagi with my future kids ha ha ha ha)
Angan angan tak salah kan? InsyaAllah haha
After Zuhr prayer, (I really miss the voice of the Imam) I went out of the door and looked for my dad
(I asked him to wait for me)
Again, I was feeling butterflies in my stomach (or the whole zoo inside it hahaha)
So my parents and I had lunch at this local Indonesian restaurant upstairs building.
(hard to notice but there was a man waved at us to go upstairs which makes us easier)
Madinah people are way better and more friendly (the presence of Rasulullah in Madinah I guess)
MasyaAllah :')
There is a lot more stories going on in Madinah but I guess I'll continue in my next entry.
InsyaAllah

This are the view of Nabawi Mosque ( I took it when it was almost Maghrib)
The umbrella thingy were closed and were opened during the day.
What a magnificent view and the skies were actually beautiful during the night and Subuh (sunrise)
I'll continue more after this about my journey ;)

Problems (Part 1)

When people talked about relationships, trust me, 

I'm the last person in the circle because I really hate that topic.

So I have this one friend (crazy as much as I do) who is smart, pretty and has the amazing personalities.

In this MRSM culture, if there's any hot couple is going on,

trust me, the whole school will know and will haunt you for the rest of your life ( seriously ).

You always see her smiling, walking with her friends, laughed as loud as she could,

but the problems is,

you don't know what happened to her.

What is it?

Guess.

Close your eyes for a few minutes and take a breath.

I knew there will be problems between her and her 'special' one.

They always fought, like there's no more their 'same page' in them.

The boy is playing two (or more) outside of the school.

He told me.

All what I can do?

Be quiet and speechless.

But my friend knows about it and seems to be 'fine' cause she knows they're in crisis.

I talked to her.

Gave her quotes.

Share her problems because I understand because I know what she felt.

I ever been in that situation (which I'm going to tell later)

So, I gave her this :

I don't like it when my friends get hurts because of a jerk (once I was in their situation).

She felt a lot better and she told me that she almost reach the highest level of moving on.

I felt relieved and I said "I don't want you to get hurt anymore"

What a nice friend am I (complimenting myself I guess aha) 

She gave me a long text about me and her (Part 2) 

It's really long though.

Don't you worry girl, I watch your back ;)

(I know you're reading this, so hey :D)

Sweet 17

So basically this is my first blog eva whut! 

 I just turned 17 a couple of days ago and it was freaking awesome being able to celebrate with my best friends. I woke up and I saw my mom came into my room in the early of morning and kissed on my forehead and said "Happy Birthday, girl". I cried. 

I literally cried cause I was imagining how would I live without her and and my father. 

 I'm growing older and so they are.

So, I went with my friends in the evening to the Secret Recipe and trust me, 

I was touched tsk tsk haha.

There were only two of them (name can't be mentioned and what are their gender) for a reason.

So they bought me a slice of cake and one of my best friends was lighting the candle using the match (obviously).

And they were started to sang "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to ...." and so on haha.

So they asked me to make a wish and blow the candle.

At that moment, all I thought was getting straight A's for my SPM and be a good Muslim InsyaAllah ;)

We're basically talked about each other's life cause it's been a long time since I met them

(We're actually different kind of school cause I transfered to MRSM for certain reasons but we known for yearssss)

Well, actually many happened after that but I decided to keep it to myself (aha!) 

That's it about my birthday (well not actually)

A lot of my friends wished me at 12:00 to be exact and I can't continue my sleep due to replying to everyone's wish .

Well, at least there was someone ( that i used to care about) wished me on my birthday. 

A pretty lame wish actually but heyy at leastt.

Okay that's all, can't wait for my next entry