Judgemental

Some people who has the biggest laugh, the brightest smile, has problems in their life.

But, people think otherwise.

Why?

"She is looking for attentions"

"She doesn't have the good attitude for laughing like that"

"She laughs too loud"

"I wonder who likes her"

"She's annoying"

Trust me. I was in that situations. Oh wait, I am in that situations.

Sometimes people judged without knowing what's behind my curtains.

What of they're in my shoes.

People are being judgemental and concerns on the idea of what's pretty.

When I'm being outspoken, people would be like : 

"She's showing off on what she's got"

"Nobody cares"

I hate when people thinks I like to show off.

I hate when people thinks I only befriends with rich kids.

I hate when people thinks I only eats at fancy restaurants.

People and their judgement can't be separated, 

I also did the same thing, but I only did it when I saw that thing in front of my eyes.

I don't easily believe on what people told me.

Imagine one day you fall in love,

He knows you like him.

But then people came and said to you :

"He doesn't like the way you laughed, he doesn't like you attitude."

"He can only accept you if you change your attitude"

Imagine what will you feel?

It hurts like a lot.

You can feel your heart can't stop pumping.

As there was a thorn in your heart.

These pictures is clear enough.

It is crystal clear that nobody's perfect.

Yes I have flaws too.

So I'm going to find someone who can accept my flaws.

People makes mistakes too.

A quote says that 'Good people are like candles, they burn themselves up to give others light'

Go find someone who can accept for who you are.

I learnt that lessons in the boarding school.

Love doesn't mean you have to own it.

I don't care about losing people who don't want to in part of my life anymore.

I've lost people who meant the world to me and I'm still doing fine.

Who cares about those judgemental bitches.

They are going to judge us until the world ends.

I'm serious.

I'm getting really tired of losing people.

The way I wrote this, isn't it clear enough that I had been through a lot?

You're the one being judgemental. Don't blame me.

Sometimes, jokes doesn't right in the wrong time.

You can make jokes but not about sensitive topics.

People can get mad easily when you touched sensitive issues.

What if I did the same thing to you?

Think.

"You deserve the kind of love you would gibe someone else"

Who cares what people are going to think.

Just go for it.

People are being judgemental because they don't know about your daily life.

They will say bad things about you but guess what? Who cares?

Just go on with you life right?

And fall in love with someone deserves your heart. Not someone who plays with it.

Be with someone who wants you to grow old with.

We often constantly torn between "if its meant to be,it will be" and "if you want it, go get it"

That's why you need to make a smart choice instead being rush.

Just remember, silence doesn't mean you are weak. 

Stay strong

And who cares what people are going to think.

You can throw your finger at them instead (if you're brave enough)

Problems (Part 2)

My friend gave me her chapters of life in moving on.

"Chapter 1 :

First love, its like a drug for me. Addicted to it so much that I've gotten to the point where he hurts me over and over I can simply say it's okay, I love you. Everytime he breaks my heart, it feels as it is better to mend it by himself than other people. All I need is him, him and him. Everytime I've been through something hard or something that makes me fly high on the cloud nine, the first person I want to share my ups and downs is him. Everytime I hear his voice, or look into his eyes I grow butterflies in my stomach and it feels as my heart going to pump so hard tat it gonna burst all my vessels. First love, its funny how I think my first love will last forever. Because I love him so much, I just cannot describe how much, maybe as deep as the Indian ocean? As much as Romeo loves Juliet? Or maybe I love him more than anyone else in this world. Love seriously kills all my senses."

I must say, she is really good in making quotes and her English is amazing.

It has 7 chapters in total.

Can you see how hurt she is?

You gave her hope bro.

Although you're my friend, but still, what you did to her is still unacceptable.

Hope you can read this ( sorry it is small)

I found this randomly on Twitter.

"Chapter 2 :

Day by day pass and I can't describe how I was feeling. Nothing feels great than love and love by someone that means the whole world to you. The way he loves you, its like you and him are the only one who exist in this universe. Whenever people talk about him, you'll feel the electric tension and there your goofy smile goes. Sometimes in class, when there is free time or even in the middle of class, you'll somehow think of him and all the sweet things you both share. When you bumped into him at the walkway, all that plays in your mind is, 'omg should I run away or smile or just ignore him my god help me' butterflies come back again~ The way he smiles at you when you talked to each other, you can see the happiness in his eyes that you whisper to yourself 'oh lord I love him so much, please make this last forever"

I feel you girl.

I can feel what you felt.

The way he smirks at me, the way he talks to me.

I just can't look at his eyes.

But then, he's with another girl (who is way prettier and smarter)

"Chapter 3 : 

When he jokes with you, no matter how lame it is. Only you would laugh, laugh which filled with happiness. You'll remember every single joke he makes and smile everytime they crossed your mind.

His flaws no matter how big and obvious it is, I dont care, I still love him. I love his eyes, every single part of him, I love it so much. When he gave present or surprise, it feels really exhilarating. That I kept what he gave even though it's a food. You just want to appreciate him for everything. And you're so worried about him in specifically every single thing no matter it's about his study, family or friends. You just want the best for him, everytime and anywhere."

"Chapter 4 :

This might sound cliche but every beautiful thing will comes to an end. It will end. Even us will end up buried down 7 feet underground. Everything will end eventually. When he started to change, acting mysteriously and keep hiding something from me. He started to throw thousands of lies and ignoring you all the time. But I'm too dumb to understand that he doesn't want me anymore. I keep on fighting every single thing that we share and fight for and I just can't believe that he's doing this. Where are our promises? Talk is cheap huh now I understand, The future that we planned. And I started to think is it real or just fake. Everything. Every single butterflies means nothing at all. YEs he bores of me because here I am this ancient af that he might knew someone new and better."

I know takde kaitan pun (eh tetibe)

"Chapter 5 :
After he's gone, he told that this is for my best but I just can't accept that fact. Every single words he say, the songs we shared, pictures, his voice they keep playing in my mind that tears will just cruise down my cheeks. The feeling of longing for him, it bruised up that at some point my heart hurts a lot that I'm running out of breathe by doing nothing but just cry. First love is like a drug, you just can't turn your back. Everytime people asked how is he doing, or say is name, I feel this kind of force that push me right to the bottom., drowning in a sea, he puts me there, Yet he doesn't have the intentions to save me and just watched me dying slowly. Sometimes I just crave for his presence, I just want to say eveything that is left unsaid."

"Chapter 6 :

The first two weeks is the worst period over, they're still there haunting you. The memories won't fade away. You feel lonely, all alone and sad. Extremely sad. Sometimes you'll text him hoping that everything will back to normal. There are times when I told my friends about him that my voice shooks a lot and I can't stop crying. There are days when I miss him  and pretended I was asleep, I listen to songs and cry alone late at night while he's doing just fine without me. He's fine without me. Yes he is. After all this time, he is fine. I started to have insomnia. I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking about him. But slowly, after knowing he has someone else. I totally move on. I deleted him in all social media. He is no one to me anymore. it's funny how he meant so much to me back then, but now he is just a typical guy that I met on the streets.  I'll just bury all the memories of us together with my heart. I got it back from him. I finally can survive without me. Sometimes spontaneously he crossed my mind, but I feel nothing. It's hard when you talk with the same person and you've planned your future together but they ended up leaving you with some cheesy and old reasons. But I'm thankful."

I am thankful though.

"Chapter 7 :

Maybe I lost someone that is so important to me, it is a valid yet necessary feelings, it makes me more human. I started to see the world differently, the world that both me and him share, it's gone. That clingy feelings, it's gone. I believe that it hurts for sure, but beautiful things takes time to happen, a right person at the right time. Won't regret this. Cause it taught me plenty of lessons. Just remember the sun will shine tomorrow, and there will be a person that can make you see the sun when all this time you've only see the clouds. The right person that can make you smile to your cheek again. The feeling of falling into someone's arm, you feel much secure. The butterflies, and that person will love as much as me. A person that brings the light in the darkness for all this time. For now, stay focus to your goal . Forget all this silly things, make friends, crushes, nobody cares. Pray to Him. He knows the best for us. And someday, the pieces that breaks after he left you will disappear that it will only left as dust and harmless. You deserve better. You're the moon, the sun, the stars. He is just another flower. Just remember don't plant a wrong seed again. Somebody else will bring yourself back together again and that all the broken pieces will stick again. Never trust words unless it is proven. I'm afraid to love now, I feel nothing since he left. Just waiting for the right time but it will never be him anymore. I do feel lonely somehow that I crave for someone presence to love me. But only for a while because I'm so comfortable with my condition right now. Lonely. Alone. I just love it. 2 years is never easy for me, when I listen to some songs it feels like it just happened yesterday. Filled with the emotions again. But I'm doing fine, without him."

Action speaks louder than words.

Stop going for someone who doesn't worth your time.

If he can't make you laugh, if he doesn't treat you right, leave him.

Why would you jealous although you still not sure if he's meant to be with you?

Why would you still put hopes on him?

Why would you choose her over me?

Will she give you happiness?

Will your parents give bless to you guys?

Will she be a good wife to you?

Will she accept your religion?

Will she accept you for who you are?

Will she accept your family?

Will her family accept your family?

Love means nothing if your parents doesn't bless it.

Because Allah's bless are parent's bless.

Think about it.

Umrah (Part 2)

Continuing my Part 1 stories.
What did I do after that?

I spent most of my time in the mosque (alone again like always)

I went the most front section for ladies and find the most strategic place (muahaha)

which I can't tell you (I'm kidding it's near to the pillars so that I can put my things and can lay back when reciting the Quran)

During the day, (before Zuhr especially) my parents and I went for shopping.

Jubah, keychains, sejadah, perfumes (rambang mata woi)

What I bought for myself was (it's a secret)

Banyak org kirim until I didn't have time to buy for myself pun actually.

(I bought keychains ada org kirim ceyh)

InsyaAllah , when taking the SPM results barulah bagi kat semua orang hehe.

(This is the inside of the mosque)

During the azan Maghrib, it will open slowly.

See that white dots? It was actually stars . MasyaAllah ;)

The very next day, barulah jalan sekeliling Madinah (using bus)

First place we went was Quba Mosque (the first mosque built by our Prophet)

Correct me of I'm wrong.

A lot of people came there for the same reason.

We were told to do Dhuha prayer there and we were given 30 minutes.

Lepas tu, sempat la nak snap sikit gambar

Hah ini la view dia. Cantik kan?

So there's a lot of stalls out here selling tasbih, sejadah, dates (again rambang mata woi)

We bought the young dates (kurma muda) cause it was delicious sehingga menjilat jari kot.

I want to upload my photos but neh better not haha.

After that, we went to dates farm.

It actually looks like kelapa sawit but in different version which is full with dates haha.

Emm it's actually free when you want to try different kinds of dates.
We spent a lot here ha ha ha.
Then we went to Jabal Uhud (Bukit Uhud)
It was high but I didn't climb it because my legs hurts but I manage to take some pictures.

(from the top view)
There was an ice cream stall here
A must try!
If you go here, you must taste the ice cream , if not, rugi ler haha.

I wonder who is this hmm. (hahaha)
My parents decided to shop in Madinah so that in Mecca we can concentrate in performing Umrah
(actually that make sense)
Follow this tips! Hahaha
Actually there is a lot more stories going on but neh, keeping it to myself i guess.
(eh tetibe)
That's all my stories in Madinah.
I will continue my stories (Part 3) in Mecca InsyaAllah ;)

Umrah (Part 1)

Well, this is my third entry.

This time is about my trip to perform Umrah with my parents last year after SPM examination.

It was December (8/12-19/12)

To be exact, this is my second time going to perform Umrah.

The first time I went was 2012 which before the PMR examination.

Cut the stories,

So my parents and I arrived at the airport around 2 because the flight was supposed to be at 6.
So we went early to meet the rest of the group (it's a umrah travel)
We waited and waited.
A lot of people were at the airport especially families because their member of family were going as well.
I saw tears, happiness and there was film shooting and I guess it was Hindi movie or drama.
It was actually funny (from my point of view lol)
It was almost 5 and everyone (heading to Jeddah) still had not checked in.
I was wondering and my father went to find out why.
He came back and told me that there was a problem with everyone's visa.
It was a mess and disorganised.
We finally on the plane near 9 o'clock (at night)
Waiting for everyone's visa and one by one managed to get on board.
We took off about 10 o'clock.
Can you imagine getting late? it was like 5 or 6 hours of delay.
What did I do on the plane? Guess.
Eat. Sleep. Pray (ceh)
So we arrived Jeddah at dawn at it was Subh prayer.
So we need to go to the immigration office and we needed to line up again.
(what another delay because we had to wait for our luggages)
While waiting for our bus, we managed to perform Subh prayer.
It actually took about 5-6 hours from Jeddah to Madinah.
I didn't know why I felt tired because I slept the whole journey.
We finally arrived at Madinah and the first thing we did was recite the du'a for entering the holy land of Madinah (to respect our Prophet s.a.w)
I still remember what our mutawif said
"Kalau kita nak masuk rumah org, mestilah ketuk pintu dulu. Samalah mcm masuk ke masuk ke Madinah, mestilah bagi salam dulu"
New information for me.
So, we arrived at our hotel around 10 o'clock in the morning.
After check in, we put our luggages in our room. The journey has started ( I said to myself)
Honestly, Madinah was cold at that time (not cold as snow but the wind was chilly)
The temperature almost the same with Kundasang (that's why I can adapt to this temperature aha)

So I found this cute random girl and took her picture (in front of the bus actually)
Hahaha omg I can't stop laughing :'D
So I went to Nabawi Mosque for Zuhr prayer with my dad .
Basically, I was alone (my mom has woman issues if u know what I mean)
I thought that would be my first challenge,
Going inside the mosque alone. (My father went to the men's section)
I was pretty nervous actually.
Okay so the first thing I saw in the Nabawi Mosque was tongs of Zam Zam water
(there were so many I lost count)
I drank a little bit (the best way is drinking it while you're standing up)
I went to the section where kids are not allowed
(nak khusyuk la katakan but manatau nanti dtg lagi with my future kids ha ha ha ha)
Angan angan tak salah kan? InsyaAllah haha
After Zuhr prayer, (I really miss the voice of the Imam) I went out of the door and looked for my dad
(I asked him to wait for me)
Again, I was feeling butterflies in my stomach (or the whole zoo inside it hahaha)
So my parents and I had lunch at this local Indonesian restaurant upstairs building.
(hard to notice but there was a man waved at us to go upstairs which makes us easier)
Madinah people are way better and more friendly (the presence of Rasulullah in Madinah I guess)
MasyaAllah :')
There is a lot more stories going on in Madinah but I guess I'll continue in my next entry.
InsyaAllah

This are the view of Nabawi Mosque ( I took it when it was almost Maghrib)
The umbrella thingy were closed and were opened during the day.
What a magnificent view and the skies were actually beautiful during the night and Subuh (sunrise)
I'll continue more after this about my journey ;)

Problems (Part 1)

When people talked about relationships, trust me, 

I'm the last person in the circle because I really hate that topic.

So I have this one friend (crazy as much as I do) who is smart, pretty and has the amazing personalities.

In this MRSM culture, if there's any hot couple is going on,

trust me, the whole school will know and will haunt you for the rest of your life ( seriously ).

You always see her smiling, walking with her friends, laughed as loud as she could,

but the problems is,

you don't know what happened to her.

What is it?

Guess.

Close your eyes for a few minutes and take a breath.

I knew there will be problems between her and her 'special' one.

They always fought, like there's no more their 'same page' in them.

The boy is playing two (or more) outside of the school.

He told me.

All what I can do?

Be quiet and speechless.

But my friend knows about it and seems to be 'fine' cause she knows they're in crisis.

I talked to her.

Gave her quotes.

Share her problems because I understand because I know what she felt.

I ever been in that situation (which I'm going to tell later)

So, I gave her this :

I don't like it when my friends get hurts because of a jerk (once I was in their situation).

She felt a lot better and she told me that she almost reach the highest level of moving on.

I felt relieved and I said "I don't want you to get hurt anymore"

What a nice friend am I (complimenting myself I guess aha) 

She gave me a long text about me and her (Part 2) 

It's really long though.

Don't you worry girl, I watch your back ;)

(I know you're reading this, so hey :D)

Sweet 17

So basically this is my first blog eva whut! 

 I just turned 17 a couple of days ago and it was freaking awesome being able to celebrate with my best friends. I woke up and I saw my mom came into my room in the early of morning and kissed on my forehead and said "Happy Birthday, girl". I cried. 

I literally cried cause I was imagining how would I live without her and and my father. 

 I'm growing older and so they are.

So, I went with my friends in the evening to the Secret Recipe and trust me, 

I was touched tsk tsk haha.

There were only two of them (name can't be mentioned and what are their gender) for a reason.

So they bought me a slice of cake and one of my best friends was lighting the candle using the match (obviously).

And they were started to sang "Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to ...." and so on haha.

So they asked me to make a wish and blow the candle.

At that moment, all I thought was getting straight A's for my SPM and be a good Muslim InsyaAllah ;)

We're basically talked about each other's life cause it's been a long time since I met them

(We're actually different kind of school cause I transfered to MRSM for certain reasons but we known for yearssss)

Well, actually many happened after that but I decided to keep it to myself (aha!) 

That's it about my birthday (well not actually)

A lot of my friends wished me at 12:00 to be exact and I can't continue my sleep due to replying to everyone's wish .

Well, at least there was someone ( that i used to care about) wished me on my birthday. 

A pretty lame wish actually but heyy at leastt.

Okay that's all, can't wait for my next entry